Love and War
by AoiGensou
Summary: Rin is a romantic, but he's not very good at the whole 'love' thing. Written for the Free! Shipping Relay on tumblr.


_"Love is like war; easy to begin but very hard to stop."_

By the time Rin had graduated from high school and was training full-time with the Japanese Olympic team, he thought he was well past the point of homesickness. Studying abroad for so many years had hardened him to the longing for home he used to feel when he first moved to Australia, but moving back to Iwatobi for his final two years of high school had softened him to where even leaving for Tokyo - just a train ride away from Iwatobi - with no one he knew from home close by made him feel acutely isolated. The other members of the national team were great, he supposed, but friendship just didn't seem to be happening, and Rin didn't know why.

It wasn't as though he was actively avoiding making friends with his teammates or anything. Rin would go out with them on their off nights to eat or do karaoke or to the odd goukon, but he always felt like an outsider. Like some guy that was just tagging along, not like an actual member of the group. He chalked it up to his teammates being so... normal, when his old friends had been so freaking weird. But if he were being honest with himself, Rin would admit that besides the loneliness and longing for his old room and old friends, he didn't mind that eventually his teammates stopped inviting him out with them.

After all, he didn't come to Tokyo to find a best friend. He came to Tokyo to win.

There was only so much loneliness that a guy could take, though, which is why when Makoto sent him a text out of the blue he latched onto it as though it were a lifeline in a stormy sea. The alert had startled him out of a good brood, his hair still damp from the shower he'd taken after his evening jog.

_Kou-chan told me you're feeling a little alone,_ it said, and Rin wanted to kick his little sister for interfering. He had only told her he was feeling lonely so she would shut up about guessing what she thought was wrong with him on their last phone conversation. He hadn't expected her to tell anyone, least of all Makoto.

_Gou talks too much,_ he texted back, his lips twisted in a grouchy expression.

-

Rin had to admit that there was something about Makoto that soothed the hollow ache of loneliness whenever they chatted. It hadn't taken long for them to graduate from texting to phone conversations, and if Rin let him Makoto could talk for hours about everything and nothing. Rin swore he knew more about Makoto's twin siblings than he knew about his own sister, just from letting Makoto ramble on about them.

It was refreshing, being able to shut his brain off for a while after practice and let someone else carry the bulk of the conversation. Rin even started to look forward to the calls.

"Did you know," Makoto said one night in a tone of voice Rin hadn't heard from him in a long time, "that I'm transferring to a university in Tokyo?"

Rin changed his cell phone to his other ear and straightened up, concerned that Makoto was using his 'I'm scared but I don't want anyone to realize it' voice.

"Finally leaving Iwatobi, huh?" he said carefully. "Haru's actually letting you go?"

Makoto laughed, and it sounded sincere enough that Rin loosened the suddenly-tight grip on his phone. "He's the one who's pushing most for it. Says I should get out and see the world more before I put down roots too deep to unearth."

"Hah. Says the guy with the deepest roots in the world," Rin muttered, making Makoto laugh once more.

"Haru says he's going to come to Tokyo too, as soon as he figures out which school has the best pool."

Rin felt a stirring of excitement inside his chest at the prospect of being able to swim with Haru again, but even more so at the thought of seeing a familiar, friendly face.

"I could show you around when you get here," he heard himself say, to which Makoto made an enthusiastic noise.

"That would be great! And it will be good to see you again face to face." Rin closed his eyes and could almost see the smile in Makoto's voice.

"Yeah, I can't wait."

-

The way he and Makoto fell into the rhythm of their easy friendship was comforting to Rin in the same way he enjoyed swimming laps. It was familiar, and something he didn't have to worry about. Their conversational dynamic carried over from their interactions on the phone, so Rin could meet him at a noodle shop after a long day of swimming and not have to worry about thinking of something interesting to say. He could fill himself with noodles and hot broth and let Makoto tell him about his classes, the drawings that Ran and Ren mailed him, and the way Haru was being so picky about what school to transfer into. Makoto updated him on Nagisa and Rei and their impending graduation, and laughed when Rin joked about them being released on an unsuspecting world.

It didn't even occur to Rin at first that sometimes the two of them sat too close together as they chatted, their heads tilted close to each other so they could speak in low tones and not disrupt the people at the next table over, or their hands brushed far too often as they passed the soy sauce and chili oil back and forth. It didn't occur to him that the way his heart raced wasn't due to the happiness of spending time with a childhood friend. Or at least not wholly due to that happiness.

-

Rin figured he should have known inviting Makoto to spend an afternoon swimming with him on one of the team's off days would end badly. He hadn't been prepared for how badly, though. The rest of the team was out, and the coaches were in a meeting, so the two of them had the Olympic-sized pool to themselves.

"Wow, this place is huge," Makoto said, his eyes fixed on the high ceiling. His voice echoed, muffled by the sound of the water lapping against the tiles of the pool wall. Rin grinned, as proud as if he owned the place himself, and slapped Makoto on the back.

"Yeah it's pretty great," he said in a playfully bragging tone. "Now are we gonna swim or what?"

The two of them headed to the locker room to change into their suits, and things seemed to be going well until Rin started stretching his arms across his chest, turning to see if Makoto was ready. He hadn't counted on catching an eyeful of mostly-naked Makoto, bent over to step into his green and black legskin and showing Rin an expanse of bare back that continued down to the curve of his ass. Rin felt his throat go dry, eyes unblinking as Makoto straightened and pulled the black spandex up. The waist snapped softly, and Rin blinked, looking away so quickly he almost gave himself whiplash.

It wasn't as though he had never seen another guy's bare ass before; as a swimmer it would have been weird to have not seen his teammates in various stages of undress. You couldn't afford to be prudish when you had a limited time to get changed before and after practice. But seeing his teammates mostly-naked and seeing Makoto mostly-naked were apparently two different things, since one sight made his heart race and the other most definitely did not.

"Is anything wrong?" Makoto asked him, as Rin swallowed thickly, grabbing his towel from the bench and draping it over his shoulder in order to give himself something else to focus on.

"Nope," Rin said, his voice squeaking in a way it hadn't since he was 14. He cleared his throat, and shook his head. "You just look... soft." He mustered a weak smirk, and glanced over his shoulder at Makoto.

"Yeah, it's been a while since I've had a chance to work out," Makoto said with a rueful laugh. Rin didn't know if he wanted to run away or plaster himself to Makoto's side and never move.

"Well then, let's see how badly we can make those muscles hurt," Rin said, relishing the way Makoto's smile lit up his soul.

If he wasn't careful, Rin was going to end up kissing him.

-

"Shit, shit, fuck," Rin muttered, curled up on his bed with his back against the wall. His hands were fisted in his hair, and he was in danger of pulling it out if he wasn't careful. "Why the hell did I kiss him?"

It had been after they'd finished swimming, and were getting dressed from the shower. Rin knew he had been acting weird all afternoon, and hoped that by some miracle Makoto hadn't noticed.

No such luck. Makoto was too perceptive for his own good, and the moment he touched Rin's arm in concern something had broken inside of him and every ounce of self control drained out of him to join the water washing down the drain. He pushed Makoto against the lockers and kissed him hard.

Makoto's shirt was still half-unbuttoned, and the force of the kiss made their teeth clack together painfully, but the closeness of Makoto, the way his warmth infused Rin with a sense of serenity even as his heart was trying to beat out of his chest, left Rin breathless. It wasn't his best first kiss on a technical level, but it was the first first kiss that left him wanting a million others after it. He had pulled away from Makoto, the fingers curled in the fabric of his orange and grey shirt loosening to reveal the creases he had put into it from gripping it so tightly, and before either of them could utter a word he did what he swore he would never do again.

Rin ran away.

He just left Makoto in the locker room, not knowing what he was thinking and too afraid to ask. He didn't want to see the disappointment in Makoto's eyes, or the disgust he knew Makoto was incapable of and yet he still feared would be there. Rin ran back to his dormitory, finding it mercifully empty, and locked the door against Makoto, his roommate, or anyone else that would disturb his private breakdown.

"Shit. Fuck!" Rin scrubbed at his eyes as tears pricked the corners, and wondered if he was going to ruin everything he touched. A perfectly good friendship, lost because apparently he couldn't tell the difference between a best friend and a boyfriend. "I'm so stupid," he groaned, his voice weak and his head drooping against his knees as he finally dropped his hands from his hair to pull his legs against his chest.

A knock disturbed the sullen peace, startling Rin and sending a jolt of adrenaline through his veins that rocketed his heart rate again. "Rin?"

Makoto's voice.

"Rin, are you in there? It's me." Makoto's voice floated through the door in its ever-unchanging kindness, and Rin squeezed his eyes shut while trying to ignore him. "Rin, please let me in."

"Why?" he called out, his voice hoarse. He didn't know what was worse, that Makoto sounded so unaffected by the situation, or that he knew Makoto could tell that he had been crying because of his stupid sixth sense about those things.

"Because I want to talk to you," Makoto answered, knocking again as if that would make Rin change his mind.

"I can't," Rin said, burying his face against his knees. He had only just discovered that apparently he was head over heels for his best friend, the nicest guy in existence, but the two hours of epiphany led to the realization that not loving Makoto would be infinitely more difficult than loving him. Given the choice between the two Rin knew he would pick loving him, but that didn't mean he was ready to face up to it just yet.

"Rinrin, don't make me do this out here," Makoto called through the door, and a new burning embarrassment shot through him.

"Don't call me that," he tried to growl, but it came out as more of a weak plea.

"Then let me in," Makoto retorted. Rin hadn't realized Makoto was capable of manipulation of any sort, even a watered-down form like that. "I didn't hate it, you know."

Rin was silent, considering his options. He could let Makoto wait outside his door until he got bored and left. Chances were his dorm-mate would return before Makoto gave up, though, and he'd get let in anyway. He could order Makoto to go away, to tell him the kiss had been a mistake and he never wanted to see him again - his heart clenched at the prospect - and hope Makoto did as he was told instead of choosing to be stubborn. Unlikely. Or he could give in and stop prolonging things.

Makoto didn't hate the kiss. _He didn't hate it_.

Sighing, Rin unfolded himself and walked over to the door, resting his forehead against the cool laminate before twisting the lock and opening the door. Makoto's concerned face looked down at him, and Rin stepped aside to let him in before he did something embarrassing like hugging him in the hallway.

As if that would be the most embarrassing thing he'd done that day.

"Rin-" Makoto started to say, but Rin cut him off.

"I like you." He couldn't look at Makoto as he said it, choosing a spot on the floor next to him to stare at instead. He rubbed his palm against his forehead, fighting the urge to hide his face and settling for a heavy sigh. "I like you."

Makoto's voice was so gentle it made Rin's heart ache. "I know, Rin." The dorm room was so small that it only took two steps for Makoto to close the distance between them. A warm hand touched his shoulder, the other hand tipping his head up so he would meet Makoto's eyes. "I know."

Rin felt his face burn with the intensity of his shame. "How could you know? I didn't even know until two hours ago!"

Makoto laughed, and pulled Rin into a hug he wasn't sure he could escape from even if he wanted to. "I suppose a guy is just really aware of the person he likes. And you aren't really very subtle."

Rin went rigid in Makoto's arms, trying to parse what he was saying. The person he likes? As in Rin? "Are you saying-"

"I like you," Makoto said, interrupting Rin. "I've liked you for a long time, I just never knew if it would ruin our friendship to tell you."

"Oh," Rin breathed, his head spinning. He moved to disentangle himself from Makoto's arms so he could look at him, but Makoto held tight.

"Don't look at me, not yet," Makoto murmured. "I'm too embarrassed."

"You and me both," Rin said. The relief he felt tingled through his fingers, and he laid his head on Makoto's shoulder when the weight of it became too much to bear under all the conflicting emotions fighting for dominance.

Giddiness eventually won out.

-

"So when were you going to tell me about Makoto's feelings?" Rin demanded, annoyed. Haru made a dismissive noise that made Rin want to throw the phone across the room.

"I'm not Makoto's mail service; he can tell you himself." Rin rolled his eyes.

"Or you just enjoyed watching us make idiots of ourselves," he grumbled.

"I'm moving out to Tokyo next month," Haru said, ignoring the issue completely.

"Good, I can strangle you easier when you're near by."

"I'll be staying in Makoto's spare room, so you two can't do anything I can hear."

"Wait, what? Makoto never told me this. What exactly do you think we do? Haru? Haru?" Rin knew Haru had deliberately said the thing he knew would fluster Rin the most, and he hated that it worked. He was so going to get him back for it when Haru got into town.

It was a pain to have such weird friends. But at least he wasn't lonely any more.


End file.
